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Three Day Weekend

Monday, August 15, 2011

At Wediko, the children’s services organization I worked at for two summers (i.e. camp for kids that have gotten kicked out of everything else), we used the word “terminating” to describe the push-pull feelings at the end of the 45-day program, for both staff and kids.  As the end date approaches, we tend to oscilate from one extreme to another: from I LOVE THIS PLACE HOW CAN I EVER LEAVE to two minutes later, I MISS HOME IT IS GOING TO BE SO AMAZING TO BE THERE (or if you are a Wediko kid this might come out as “I don’t give a %!!*** about this %!!*** place so %!!*** you”).

As for me, I’ve dreamt of the white plates with the raised fruit and basket design in our cabinets in Ipswich, and also of our metal forks.  When I woke up this morning, I fantasized about walking downstairs in shorts and bare feet, of eating Morningstar sausage and berries on the deck, and of course, about swimming.  The last time I swam was in a river here in February — it may be sixteen months until I swim outside again, unless I make it to a beach here in December.  I think about coffee oreo ice cream cones, sleeping with one sheet, my skin warm from a day at the beach, buzzing crickets outside my screened window, the dull hum of the fan.  And then I think of December, when I actually will be in my house: walking downstairs in my huge red slippers and fuzzy pink bathrobe, Zumi’s coffee and quinoa cereal, the smell of the Christmas tree.

I don’t want to be thinking about going home, but I can’t control the fact that I dream about silverware; that is, I dream of home.  I am trying to keep my heart and mind here with my body, to resist the voice that says, What’s the point anyway.  My life is good here and I am going to keep reaching out.  This three-day weekend was centered around a town Recycling Festival for kids that the Foundation helped out with, an event which brought a circus/production team to Palena, i.e. new faces at the after-party!  I had some of my quiet meals by the fire (such as When-The-Trucks-Haven’t-Come-Yet-Because-of-the-Snow stir fry and my beloved arroz con papas, as pictured below), and also two one-one-one dates with female friends, something my social life in Palena has been lacking.  I am especially proud for reaching out to one friend tonight; it was so fun and so comfortable to chat with her over tea and munchies.

Thank god for frozen peas — sometimes the only green around.  Also I am in a big cabbage phase.  I threw in a few eggs to the finished stir fry (also included garlic, onions, shredded carrot).

I am a professional at winter.  I can’t imagine getting dressed without long underwear or sleeping without a wool hat.  I am cold off and on all day but I am toasty in my attic bedroom at night.  Yesterday I chopped up kindling for the week with ease and today I built fire in one go; I have wood drying on top of and in the stove for tomorrow.  We recently got a new water-heater installed in the house, which means I just open the faucet and out comes hot water, something that feels like a luxury now but seven months ago was a given.   I snagged the last cauliflower in sight on Saturday (when the trucks finally came).

In a Skype date with a dear friend today, we reminded each other, we are so young. When we graduated we felt relatively old, but out in the world we are just beginning.  How overwhelming all the movement and questions, but how rich the learning.  I don’t know and I don’t know and I am just right, right here.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Eliza permalink
    Monday, August 15, 2011 9:55 pm

    I like the way the Wediko kid would say it.

  2. jane woodman permalink
    Tuesday, August 16, 2011 6:45 am

    The white plates and silverware await you, always, and right now as you say things are right. Love all your cooking, so full of friendliness and warmth. We’re doing the same, nice lentil soup on the stove on this rainy Maine day, xoxo

  3. David Russell permalink
    Tuesday, August 16, 2011 8:13 am

    Very touching, very thoughtful, very true. Take your time there with the opportunity you have left. As you say, you “are so young,” and “how rich” is the learning. I love you.

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